Just Don't Tell Dad
by Quill's Feels
Summary: Cana is spending New Year's with Gildarts, knowing well that he just wants her to be happy. But his version of 'happy' entails a boyfriend and the dreaded, white-dress M word. So Cana persuades her friend to play pretend for the holiday. But it's a Fairy Tail AU, and things take a very different turn. Laxana and other ships. K for the moment, it'll probably become T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**[A/N]: A little while ago my friend sent me an article about how some Chinese women are hiring men to pretend to be their boyfriends when they go home for New Year's, so their parents won't get on their case about marriage.**

**THIS ****_NATURALLY_**** MEANS LAXANA FANFIC.**

**AU, modern day. :D Laxana, obviously, and Gruvia, Elfgreen, NaLi, and GaLe in the background. I'm sure I'll also find a way to incorporate LoLu.**

Cana checked her texts and groaned. Hell, eight new messages from Gildarts. _[Are you ready for New Year's, Cana-chan?] [Papa's so excited for New Year's, Cana-chan!]_

Cana stuffed her phone in her pocket and got off the bus. Each message was along the same vein. Papa misses her, he can't wait to see Cana-chan! _[Will anyone _else _be accompanying Cana-chan? Someone _special _that Papa should meet?]_

Cana groaned again; Gildarts was _way_ too interested in her love life (or lack thereof). _[Papa just wants Cana-chan to be happy!]_

Still, "Cana-chan" felt bad. She'd canceled almost all of her plans with her father to date. He just wanted to spend time with her, but Cana didn't want her life to change just because Gildarts suddenly knew he had a daughter. _She'd_ known all her life, it hadn't been a big deal to _her_…

She didn't owe Gildarts a damned thing. Well, maybe she owed him the chance to get to know her. But if she got a boyfriend, her frighteningly overprotective father would be the _last_ to know. Hell, Gildarts didn't even know who her housemates were yet. Because of _course _he'd be thrilled to learn that she lived with Gray Fullbuster and Laxus Dreyar. He would just ignore Erza Scarlet, focusing instead on the fact that _his little girl was living with men_.

Cana walked down the street, grimacing as she imagined his reaction. _**Cana-chan!**_ _Are you telling me you live with the stripper and that rebellious punk?!_ Laxus would protest indignantly, and Gildarts would probably use the blond boy to knock the door down and hurl him out to the street. Gray would wisely escape through the window. Erza would plant her hands on her hips firmly and say, _We've lived with her longer than you've been her dad, Gildarts. Why should all of _our_ lives change because yours has?_

Cana unlocked the door and stepped in, hanging her blue bag on the coat hook, over Gray's white jacket and Laxus' black trench coat. "I'm home, who's cooking?" she called.

Erza's hand waved at her from the kitchen, and Cana joined her redheaded friend at the stove. "Whatcha makin'?" she asked, pulling a bottle of beer from the fridge.

Erza turned back to the counter. "Just started on the udon."

"Is that all you can cook?" Gray asked critically from the table, shirtless. "Cause that's all you ever make when it's your turn."

Erza glared at him and he shut up. Picking his shirt off the floor and hurling it at him, Cana quipped, "You never eat here anyway, pal."

Gray caught his shirt. "How did that come off?!" he demanded frantically.

Cana rolled her eyes and turned back to the fearsome redhead. "Need help with anything?" She tied up her hair and didn't wait for her friend's reply. Grabbing the beef broth, Cana started on the soup while Erza began to cut the dough for the noodles.

The brunette filled a pot of water and set it to boil, returning to the soup. Erza set aside the noodles and began chopping vegetables. "I assume you'll be eating at Juvia's tonight, Gray?" she asked, brushing stray red locks out of her face. Cana opened the windows as the heat from the stove began to waft outwards.

Gray nodded absently, his fingers tapping away on his phone. "Are you actually gonna stay the night this time?" Cana teased him over her shoulder. She set the soup to simmer and took the scallions from Erza's pile of vegetables, chopping them with lightning speed.

Gray blushed bright red, glaring at her as she blithely ignored him. He struggled to find words and Erza chuckled. "Sh-shut up, Erza!" he managed finally. "You shut up, too!" he snapped at Cana as she lost control and burst into laughter.

Erza dumped the noodles into the boiling water unceremoniously and Cana scraped the scallions into the soup. The onions, herbs, and bean sprouts followed. The brunette stepped away and let Erza stir the noodles, setting out bowls and shooing Gray away from the table. "I'm goin', I'm goin'!" the raven-haired boy snapped, pulling his shirt on and leaving the kitchen. Cana heard him grab his coat and leave the house.

Erza strained the noodles and dropped them into the soup, and the girls piled the dishes into the sink. Cana had just picked up a dishrag when their other housemate walked in, pulling his signature Sound Pods from his ears. "Smells good," Laxus grunted, plopping himself at the table.

Cana tossed the rag to him. "Oh, no. You get to clean the dishes, buddy."

"Oh, come on! Can't it wait until after dinner?"

"Do the soup pot, at least," Erza advised him, stirring the udon in the soup. Laxus sighed heavily, pushed himself to his feet, and scrubbed the pot like it was the most irrational thing for them to ask of him.

Taking a swig from her bottle and finding it disappointingly empty, Cana snagged another beer from the fridge and sat down.

Ladling the soup into the bowls, Erza shot Laxus a glare when he tried to set down the pot and join them. "I don't think so, Dreyar. Finish, or you don't get _any_."

The blond groaned loudly again. "The sooner you finish, the sooner you eat," Cana commented, taking up a pair of chopsticks. The brunette made a loud sound of happiness as she tasted the soup.

Laxus scowled and finished the pot, rushing back to the table to drain the soup from his bowl noisily before grabbing his chopsticks. "You pig," Erza scolded him in disgust. In response, he picked up a napkin and dabbed daintily at his chin. He dug in with relish.

"What are our plans for New Year's this year?" Laxus asked around a mouthful of onions and noodles.

"I'm not gonna be there, I'm going to my dad's," Cana admitted reluctantly.

Erza, opening her mouth to admonish Laxus about his manners, looked at her friend in concern, brow furrowing. "But we've _always_ done New Year's together!" she protested. "Ever since we were kids!" The four of them had grown up together, along with Natsu and the Strausses next door, and Levy, Jet and Droy across the street. Their group had been augmented by Gray's girlfriend Juvia, Levy's boyfriend Gajeel, Natsu's classmate Lucy, and Erza's friend Mystogan.

"Yeah, I know, but he's my dad," Cana grumped, resting her chin in her hand and picking at her dinner.

"Invite him over!" Erza urged.

The brunette grimaced. "Are you kidding?" She sighed and pointed her chopsticks at Laxus. "If he found out I was living with a couple of guys, he'd flip his shit and probably kill one of you!"

"Probably Gray," Erza murmured.

"Undoubtedly. But _he_ wouldn't walk away unscathed," Cana agreed, jabbing her chopsticks at Laxus again.

"What did I do?" he demanded, muffled around a mouthful of food.

"For god's sake, swallow before you talk!" Erza flared. Laxus choked down his half-chewed noodles hurriedly. They had this argument at least twice a week, and the last time he'd disobeyed, he'd ended up with ringing ears, a lump on his head, and a black eye that hadn't gone away for two weeks.

Cana sighed through her nose. "You know how he can get," she murmured.

"What do you mean?" Laxus asked, his mouth thankfully clear of half-eaten noodles.

Cana shook her head tiredly. "He takes _overprotective_ to a whole new level." A scowl flitted across her face. "The last time I saw him, he decided that my tanktop was 'too revealing' and bought me a large, fluffy sweater."

"That's not so bad," Erza said, attempting cheer.

Her comment only made Cana descend further into gloom. "And then he bought a matching one for himself," she whispered. The awful memory of identical cat sweaters had her burying her face in her hands.

"Oh, god," Laxus gulped, horror scrawled across his face. Cana nodded dismally.

"Well, it can't be so bad this time," Erza said resolutely. "It's New Year's, after all!"

Cana shrugged one shoulder despondently. "I guess."

"Hey!" The three of them glanced at the open window; next door, a familiar pink-haired boy leaned out the window of his own house and yelled, "You guys wanna come over a watch a movie?"

"Anything to cheer me up!" Cana called back gratefully. She crammed the rest of her noodles into her mouth, stood, and dumped her bowl in the sink. Her housemates did the same and started for the door.

Erza turned and pointed an imperious finger at Laxus. "You're not coming until you've done the dishes, Laxus," she warned.

"But─"

"If I come home and find that there are still dishes to be done, _there will be __**hell **__to pay_!"

"Yes, ma'am," Laxus replied in defeat. He hunched his shoulders, returning to the kitchen. Erza watched, fists on hips, as the blond rolled up his sleeves, lathered soap into the dishrag, and reached for a pot.

"Come on, Erza," Cana called, pulling on her cropped orange jacket.

Erza shot Laxus another intimidating glance─he studiously ignored her─and followed Cana to the house next door.

Mirajane held open the door, slapping a beer into Cana's hand as the brunette passed. "Thank you, my dear," Cana said blithely, flicking off the bottle cap as she entered the living room. "What are we watchin'?"

"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!" Natsu piped, his arm slung across the couch and just barely avoiding contact with Lisanna's shoulders. Cana hid a grin; those two weren't fooling anybody, least of all Lisanna's older sister.

"We always watch that, man," Elfman complained. Evergreen sat beside him, her legs draped across his lap, the fingers of one hand loosely intertwined with his as her free hand tapped away on her phone.

"It's a good movie!" Cana objected, plopping herself on Lisanna's other side and stretching her long legs out over the couch cushions. Natsu nodded sagely.

"I don't mind," Erza agreed, sitting in a chair beside the Strausses' large but wholly occupied couch.

"Where's Thunderhead?" Natsu asked curiously as Mirajane put in the movie.

"Dishes," Cana replied succinctly, taking a sip of beer and digging her hand into the popcorn bowl Natsu held.

The aforementioned blond strode in fifteen minutes later and Erza glanced at him expectantly. "I finished 'em," he objected, "so don't give me that look." She turned back to the movie blithely and Laxus came around the couch, nudging Cana's knees. "Move your legs, Alberona."

"No." Cana tossed a kernel into her mouth.

Laxus eyed her, grabbed her ankles and swung her legs off the couch, taking up the space they had occupied. Cana glared at him, drawing her legs up underneath herself and flicking some popcorn at him. He didn't even look at her, reaching over to Natsu for a large handful of popcorn, and proceeded to pelt her with it with a vengeance. She gave a yell and reached for the bowl, but Natsu wisely handed it off to Elfman and Evergreen.

"Cut it out!" Erza snapped. "We're trying to watch the movie."

Laxus flung a last piece of buttery revenge at Cana, and it bounced off her forehead, earning the blond a smack on the back of his head.

**[A/N]: Cana, Erza, Gray and Laxus live together because they've been around the longest (of the younger generation, of course) and because ****_comic relief, hell yeah_****. They, the Strausses, Natsu, and Shadowgear grew up together and now, in young-adulthood, they still live near each other because that's how this fanfic works, mkay?**

**And that last sentence has to be the best line in this whole damn chapter. xD**


	2. Chapter 2

**[A/N]: I feel like I've been really inactive on here that last couple days. xD Anyway, Saturday was Laxana Day, so naturally I had to post some fanart on my Deviantart (WithAQuillinMyHand, if you care) ****what no I'm totally not self-advertising.**

Gildarts really hoped that Cana was happy. All he wanted for her was the best; a family, a career, a perfect life.

He hoped he could continue to be a part of it, but his daughter had been so busy, he'd noticed, her life full of so many things that weren't her dad. It saddened him, but he just kept trying, hoping that Cana would reciprocate someday.

He checked his phone; she still hadn't responded to any of his texts. Should he visit her, make sure she was okay? He tried calling (again), but there was no answer. Gildarts looked on the bright side; at least it didn't go straight to voicemail.

He'd visit her tomorrow, he decided. Surprise her at work. She'd be delighted! And maybe he'd bring his Cana-chan another sweater...He decided against it, though, figuring that seeing her Papa would make her happy enough. After all, she'd been so busy most times they'd tried to meet up.

The thought of seeing his little girl at the forefront of his thoughts, Gildarts couldn't stifle a boyish grin as he finished his errands, anxious for the next day.

…

"Oh, shit, you guys again," Cana griped, setting coasters in front of her housemates and pulling a notepad from her pocket.

"That's no way to treat valued, long-time customers," Laxus objected, pounding his fist on the table.

She swatted the back of his head. "No, but it's how I treat the idiots I live with and grew up with."

"I resent that," Erza said calmly, absently paging through the menu she had all but memorized.

Cana grinned. "Yeah, yeah. Drinks?"

Her housemates and Juvia made their orders and she returned to the bar to fulfill them. She passed Natsu on her way around the bar. "You got their orders?" she called over her shoulder.

Natsu tossed her a grin. "I got the jalapeno poppers in the fryer already!"

"Good boy!"

Cana grabbed a tray and the various beers her friends had ordered, returning to her friends' table to deliver them. As she set Erza's drink in front of her, Natsu arrived with the sizzling-hot poppers. "Hey, you didn't burn them!" Gray exclaimed.

Natsu flipped off his best friend, scowling. "Shut up, Icebrain. You jerks wouldn't come here every other day if it weren't for the fact that I cook your food _perfectly_."

Erza rolled her eyes, and, planting a hand on Gray's shoulder, pushed the ravenhead back into his seat. "Boys," she reprimanded. "Not in public. You can fight in the backyard at home."

"We're not children, Erza!" Natsu flared.

Cana elbowed him. "Then don't act like it. Hey, you take these guys' orders and hurry your ass back to the kitchen. Work is still a four-letter word, my friend." She turned to seat the group who had just walked in, Levy and her best friends. Gajeel was nowhere in sight, and the boys looked delighted at the prospect of having a day with Levy all to themselves.

She and Natsu worked 8-Island, a favorite of the whole gang, who had been coming to the place for so many years that they got discounts almost equal to what the owner, Yajima, and his family got. The old man was like their favorite uncle, and _damn_ did he cook like heaven. The restaurant was quite popular, but the three groups living on Fairy Hills Ave. each had a booth almost permanently reserved for them.

Cana slid the plates from the window onto her tray and returned to her friends' table. "Okay, don't tell me," she ordered, grabbing a bowl. She placed the orders in front of each of her friends. "Erza, you've gotta stop going for dessert first," the brunette said in exasperation, plunking a slice of Yajima's strawberry cake and a balsamic salad in front of the redhead.

"You just try and stop me," Erza replied calmly, taking a bite of cake and then turning to the salad.

Cana rolled her eyes and tucked her tray under her arm. "Anything else?"

"Could Juvia get another glass of water, please?" the bluenette asked quietly.

Cana grinned. "Sure thing, hun. Be right out."

Cana's friends finished up their meal about half an hour before her shift ended, electing to hang out and wait for her (Erza opted for another slice of cake).

"Anything else, Yaji?" Cana called into the kitchen as she grabbed her purse from the breakroom.

"All your tables cleared?"

"Yeah─oh, wait, Bisca and Alzack just spilled something." She dropped her purse off with Erza and grabbed a dishtowel, mopping up the soup the raven-headed young man had just spilled. "Stick your elbow in it again, Al?" she asked critically.

Alzack flushed and Cana batted his shoulder. "Calm down, I'm teasing. How are you guys?"

"Can't complain," Bisca replied happily.

"Did he finally ask you out?"

Now both of them flushed red to their ears, Alzack stammering, "Th-th-that's none of your business, A-Alberona!"

Laughing good-naturedly, she went to get Alzack another soup. She set it in front of him and dusted off her hands, taking her blue bag from Erza.

"Ready?" Gray asked, arm slung around Juvia's slender shoulders.

"When you are." Cana led her friends to the door, quite literally bumping into a large ginger man on her way out. She glanced up in alarm. "Gildarts?" _Shit_, what was her dad doing here?!

He grinned at her. "Cana-chan! I came for a visit!"

Erza nudged her friend. "We'll leave you to this." Gildarts moved aside for Cana's housemates and Juvia to leave.

"Need a rescue?" Laxus whispered as he passed.

"Shut up, I'll just see you at home," she snapped back without thinking.

Gildarts let the blond boy pass. Father and daughter stood in silence a moment, the auburn-haired man realizing her words a fraction of a second before the brunette did. His eyes widened slightly. "At home, Cana-chan?" he inquired, tilting his head. She could practically see the gears turning in his head as he tried to decide how to react.

She winced. "Oh, shit."

But a wide smile broke out across his face. "That's wonderful, Cana-chan! How long have you been together?"

…

To her relief, Cana managed to disentangle herself from Gildarts after half an hour of him babbling _on and on and on_ about how absolutely delighted her dad was that Cana had someone special (even if it was _that_ boy, but Gildarts would 'talk to him' later) to bring to New Year's.

She hadn't had the heart to tell him otherwise. He just looked so…_thrilled_.

So she flung open the door to her house, slamming it behind her as she stomped into the living room. Her gaze finding Laxus, she yelled, "SO YOU'RE COMING TO NEW YEAR'S WITH ME AND MY DAD."

He was silent, staring at her. Erza and Gray were similarly dumbfounded; Juvia had evidently gone home after the restaurant. "I'm sorry, what?" Laxus deadpanned.

Cana covered her face with her hand, not meeting his eyes. "Gildarts heard me saying I'll meet you at home and instantly took it to mean that we, um, _live together_. But like, _that_ way." Slowly, Gray lifted the remote, muted the TV, and leaned in, eyes glinting with interest.

Laxus was silent another moment, and then burst into laughter. "Holy shit, Cana, are you serious? What'd you tell him?"

"_ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING TO THE CONTRARY, WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO DRAG YOUR ASS TO NEW YEAR'S_."

Laxus' grin slipped, and he looked irritated. "What, now you're making me ditch our yearly New Year's block party cause you couldn't stand up to your old man?"

She groaned. "Laxus, you've heard of the Crash?"

"Magnolia's legendary striker? What does that─oh shit, _that's _your dad?!" The famous soccer player was known for 'accidentally' injuring other players. Injuring meaning 'hospitalizing'.

Cana nodded grimly. "And he's seriously overbearing. So which do you think he'd be happier with: I'm living with two guys, or I'm living with my─" she looked disgusted, "─boyfriend?"

"Why does it matter if he's happy with it?"

Cana pinched the bridge of her nose and put a hand on her hip. "Let me rephrase that: will he be less likely to _fucking skin you alive_ if you're my boyfriend or single?"

"And what does this have to do with New Year's?"

"He's decided you're coming with me."

Laxus groaned like a whiny child, head lolling back on the couch cushions. "But we're setting off fireworks this year," he said plaintively. "Why can't he just come _here_?"

"Do you really trust Natsu to keep that sort of secret, whether we tell him or not?"

Gray leaned over to Erza and whispered, "Holy shit, five minutes together and they're already bickering like a couple." The redhead stifled a giggle as the 'couple' in question turned flat glares on the raven-haired boy.

"Gray," Cana began, voice dripping with almost threatening sweetness. "Could you repeat that for _all of us_ to hear?" Laxus cracked his knuckles as if to punctuate her question.

Gray shook his head, still fighting laughter. "Hey, at least our _fake _relationship is farther along than your _real _one!" Laxus taunted.

Glaring at the blond, Gray flushed. "Shut up," he muttered. Laxus quirked an eyebrow in mocking triumph.

"Boys, boys," Erza said tiredly. "Can we get back on topic? Are you going to help her, Laxus?" she asked her friend.

"What's in it for me?"

"My dad _not_ breaking every bone in your body, maybe?" interjected Cana.

"That's the result, not the incentive."

"Little shit," Cana muttered, crossing her arms. She glanced at him grudgingly. "What'll it take?"

"Don't answer that," Erza overrode as Laxus opened his mouth with a sickeningly clever grin. "Buy him a new iPod," the redhead advised Cana.

"Yeah, he's been bitching about that for a while," Gray agreed.

"Why the hell can't _I_ say what I want?" Laxus objected.

"Because you'd either try to bleed her dry or see some things you really shouldn't," Erza retorted.

Cana turned back to Laxus. "What do you say? You good with a new iPod?"

"If you throw in some _damn_ good headsets, then maybe," he muttered sullenly.

Rolling her eyes, Cana plopped herself onto the couch beside Erza. "What're we watching?" she inquired as if nothing had happened.

Erza slanted her an amused glance. "Goldeneye's on." She reached for the remote and turned the volume back on.

As he reached over to flick the lights off for the movie, Laxus thought he saw Cana watching him. However, when he turned back, her eyes were back on the TV.

He didn't quite hate the idea of pretending to be her boyfriend; if she was willing to buy him a new iPod to go along with it, Laxus could only imagine the other toys he could probably get her to throw in.

He needed a new jacket, too.

**[A/N]: I decided midway through this chapter that all these idiots are really into soccer. So that'll be a thing.**

**Please review, friends!**


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